How To Gain The Strength To Do What You Want

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How many times do we feel something yet don’t have the words to describe that feeling? Or, have the understanding that doing a particular act, for instance, something that reflects being true to ourselves is ‘supposed’ to leave us feeling a certain way but it doesn’t?

Does it then leave you questioning what you really know, or believed to be true? If we are supposed to feel ‘this’ way but we instead feel ‘that’ way, we must be warped. “Yup told ya. I am a hot mess. I KNEW IT!”

First and foremost, everyone experiences things differently based on their interpretation of it. Although there may be some standard commonalities in dealing with certain things, not everything is textbook. You must first trust yourself and your own feelings and spend less time comparing what others say is normal. If it feels good to you, that’s all that matters.

In hypnosis, you can choose how you want to feel and base your actions accordingly. You write the script, or textbook if you will. You don’t have to leave your feelings up to chance and spend hours or days questioning whether you are ‘normal’ because you don’t feel the way a book said you should feel.

Say were wanting to learn to say ‘no’ to people but feel great anxieties around doing so, being in a state of relaxed mind and body (hypnosis) will allow you to create whatever outcome you want.

Ahh, but you say, “How is that possible, I cannot control how others will react to me saying ‘no’, therefore I cannot create the outcome.”

Here’s the thing. At no time do we ever want to control anyone. It is our own behaviours  reactions and emotions we want to keep in check. How others respond to us means absolutely nothing once we learn to manage our emotions through hypnosis, thus creating the outcome.

11 STEPS TO CREATING YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME IN ANYTHING

1. First relax. Totally and completely let yourself get into a meditative state.

2. Create a scene in your mind of what is going on for you now that you would like to change.

3. Once this scene is very clear, create a new scene. The scene that you want to be your new reality. Feel the way you want to feel when saying ‘no.’

4. Play it out over and over. You don’t need to play out whole conversations where you defend your decisions to people (you can but it’s not necessary). You want to put yourself in a position where you want to say ‘no’, then say ‘no’ (for example). Say it and replay it again and again as if you were watching a video and rewinding and playing, rewinding and playing.

5. Stand your ground, in your mind, and say ‘no’ as often as necessary until you feel comfortable with it. You may imagine people getting annoyed at you saying ‘no’. This is good. Just keep saying ‘no’…

6. If you want to step it up a bit, while you are imagining saying ‘no’ you can also imagine the other person shrinking and you growing taller. Before you know it you are saying no to a pint sized person barely visible to the naked eye.

7. You will notice the more comfortable you get with it, the more your physical body changes. Your shoulders will square off, your back will be straight, your head held high. Inside, you will feel a sense of peacefulness and empowerment but also strength.

8. Pay close attention to the feelings mentioned above, you will want to use them again in the future. The way you carry yourself in that moment is also a state changer.

9. Anchor that feeling of strength empowerment and peace by focussing on it very intently then rubbing your thumb and forefinger together. Focus, anchor, focus, anchor.

10. Once you are certain you have no attachment to the emotion you once had and you are confident in the new ‘script’ you just created, go ahead and close out of that scene.

11. The next time you are needing or wanting to feel empowered, peaceful or strong, use your anchor and all the feelings and emotions will come back.

Some of the greatest athletes in the world have reached their level of success because of doing this. Visualizing nothing but the outcome they wish to achieve. They don’t ponder the thought of not winning but rather focus solely on their desired outcome.

Let me know how you make out :)

Daddy, Do You Even Love Me?

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I was watching Iyanla Vanzant and one of her guests spoke about the residual feeling of abandonment left behind by his father.

As a grown man he feels worthless, unloveable and believes that he will never be good enough. He is still living his current life through that hurt little boy, but he doesn’t know it.

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That’s the thing about old hurt. The pain we felt stays with us at the age at which it occurred. That behaviour then drives our daily decisions.

When we look in the mirror we see an adult face and body. Intellectually we know what we need to do, but underneath being responsible and diligent, is still our child-self feeling helpless and confused.

This particular man repeatedly stated what he wanted most was to end his ‘story.’ This story he keeps telling himself. He wants it gone but doesn’t know how to not feel empty, worthless.

His dad left him and you don’t leave people you love, so he must be unloveable. This is how he remembers it, how he feels.  This is all he remembers.

This mans whole life from the moment his father walked out has consisted of questions like:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Daddy, do you even love me?”

“Will I ever be good enough for you?”

Now of course daddy isn’t there to answer these questions so what happens is this man as with nearly all of us, provide the answers. Answers from the memory of that helpless hurt child.

If I would have been better, he wouldn’t have left. If I did what he told me…if…if…if…and this is how the ‘story’ plays out, day after day.

Living on a continuum of what if’s why not’s and how come’s, life becomes nothing short of a game of mental racquetball. Running after something going in different directions at a speed you can’t meet, with energy you don’t have, all while trying to maintain a ‘normal’ life with a family of your own.

It is exhausting, stressful and not to mention completely takes away from those who love you and whom you love.

The great news is you can change your story and create a new reality for yourself.

4 STEPS TO CREATING A NEW STORY

1. The way to gain the closure you desire is by taking our conscious mind out of it. Even though it is our conscious mind that is rational and trying to make peace by seeing things through mature adult eyes, the subconscious continues to dictate what reality is for us.

By gaining access to the subconscious mind through hypnosis, this can be done easily effectively and quickly.

2. While completely relaxed so there is no conscious cooperation, the tools become available to address and clear what happened through the eyes of that broken child with the aid of the adult.

3. Once this is complete, it is then possible to give it new meaning. Giving something this profound a new perspective, is what will change the story forever.

4. It is this which will end the aching question “Daddy do you even love me?” because once the understanding comes about that whole, confident, secure men, don’t leave their children, a cloud lifts.

The only thing you may be left with is profound relief to finally understand that Daddy does love you he just didn’t know how. That it was not about you, but rather his inability to provide what was necessary for a stable healthy environment. In other words, it just may be possible he thought you’d be better off without him, because he himself didn’t know any better.

Have You Lost Who You Really Are?

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Do you feel like you’ve lost who you were?

Were you that person who used to say what was on their mind, respectfully? Honest to those around you and people knew where you stood?

What changed? When did you lose your self trust? 

Has life taught you it is not ok to say what you think and feel, and it has become too painful to be yourself?

Please, I urge you to reconsider. It will most definitely take a strong person to hold up to the criticism but you already have that strength inside. You know it and I know it, and I don’t even know you.

The damage you are doing to your soul by conforming to someone else’s ideals is slowly killing you, you know that don’t you?

In fact, you probably find yourself saying things like “Oh why bother” or “What’s the point.”

The point is, this is your life. YOUR LIFE. LIFE. LIFE. LIFE. When you are dead is that time to lay down forever. Not now!

I’m pretty sure you have heard similar words before and you may even have said or thought “Easy for you to say..”or “It’s just not worth it.”

Let me tell you, when you fully understand that nothing matters around you, you will have zero hesitation. Until then, you set yourself up for people to cross your boundaries, abuse you in different forms, manipulate you and all the while slowly stealing your spirit.

Ask yourself what happened exactly. Go back in your mind to a few examples of times when you were your authentic self, got shot down and they became moments that changed your beliefs about who you should be.

Go ahead do it now and if you have to, write them down for clarity sake.

What similarities do you notice? More often than not, you will see a pattern.

Now here’s the thing. Honesty is crucial. If going back in your mind to those events has you still standing firm on your beliefs, what happened that made you back down?

If on the other hand you took an honest look and found that maybe your thoughts weren’t aligned during that time, then own it.

Then dump it.

Personally speaking, I have always had an opinion. Always. My opinion was based on what I knew at the time. I have found myself in battles where I realized later I was wrong. I was subconsciously looking for drama because my life was drab.

I have no trouble apologizing. It taught me, among other things, to not be so quick to offer an opinion on things I knew nothing about. (A bit of a know it all….I owned it and am very transparent now)

What I have also learned is I will never ever allow someone to plow over my deepest  sense of who I am, my moral beliefs and my integrity. I don’t care who they are.

And neither should you.

Please take your life back. Get unstuck.

If you need assistance I will help you via hypnosis where you go back and claim your  power in your mind thus creating a new reality for you.

Otherwise,

Stay true to you. Own your mistakes. Be authentic. Trust Yourself.

Are you hypersuggestible? Do you walk around like a zombie?

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We all learn a little differently. which attributes to how we accept incoming information. We are all suggestible in one form or another.

Being suggestible is a state which allows access to the subconscious mind in hypnosis. One which utilizes the access gained to the subconscious mind for positive change.

While in hypnosis, receptiveness to what is experienced through all the senses is

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intensified making it easy to create change. This altered state of mind that increase’s our receptiveness, is not the same as during our awake state. The state we are in as we go about our daily tasks.

This is a good thing. If this didn’t happen (getting out of the altered state) we would become, and some are, hypersuggestible.

What this means is, during the waking state, we become receptive to and experience, the same intensified perceptions as in hypnosis.

What causes this is an overwhelm of message units coming in causing confusion and turbulence in our mind, thus we try to escape.

For a child it may be a parent continually scolding them. Perhaps long bouts of yelling, lecturing, pointing out all the negatives. These things are perceived as a threat so the child chooses to escape for some relief.

This is a great mechanism to create safety for ourselves during times of overwhelm.

In the case of the child, he doesn’t  hear the noise anymore because he put himself somewhere else in his mind to get away from it all.

The problem occurs when we stay in this state too long. Although we are consciously escaping what is going on around us, we are subconsciously accepting every bit of it.

We continue to hear, see, experience all that is going on around us at a subconscious level.

Then it can happen, we carry on the rest of our day in this state of intense receptivity only adding more negative to what we just tried to avoid.

We become super sensitive to everything and ‘feel’ more physically and emotionally than we normally would. This overall will create havoc in our psyche.

Simply put, awareness it key here. If you are in a position where you, yourself ‘escape’ be certain when the threat is over, you return to regular consciousness.

You will know when you are because you won’t have that glazed over look or feeling, and you will feel present in your current situation.

In todays terms, you won’t look or feel like a zombie.

 

Do You Feel Like A Phoney?

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When someone makes a suggestion, we either accept or reject it. We, whether out loud or in our heads, agree or disagree based on what reference we have to compare it to.

As adults, we have filters that tell us what is good and what is bad and it differs for everyone.

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Why? It is all based on the information we have gathered up to this point in our lives.

It doesn’t make anyone right or wrong. It simply means the suggestions we have accepted in the past, will continue to dictate what we believe as truth and what we discount as false.

Say as a child you grew up being told and shown in no uncertain terms you were a useless twit who will never amount to anything.

Unless there was an intervention of some sort, you will subconsciously live out that statement as truth throughout your lifetime.

You may be an overachiever but deep down inside you still feel like a useless twit who will never amount to anything, and even though you have achieved success, it is never enough. You constantly think one day someone will figure out who you really are and expose you.

To be sure this doesn’t happen, you hide. You may create barriers around you so no one gets too close. (there are a host of different possibilities here)

Conversely, you could end up living a life of bad relationships, going job to job, drinking, and really, going nowhere fast. No direction, no goal no foreseeable future.

All because you accepted the suggestions from someone else. Now to be fair, most of these suggestions occurred very young before you had filters (up to the age of 8).

When we are bombarded with a great deal of constant negativity at a young age, we have nothing to compare it to because that is all we know so we accept it as truth.

What happens then, is, as adults when someone offers praise and recognition, we hesitate to accept this suggestion in fact more often than not, we don’t accept it at all.

We often feel like we fooled them, or like earlier thoughts, ‘when they get to know who I really am, they’ll run!’

Who we think we really are, remember, is what someone told us repeatedly before we had a chance to know any different.

Here’s where it gets more confusing. As an adult, we have filters. Consciously we know what is good or bad for us. Consciously we know we did a good job, or that we are decent people, or that we deserve praise and recognition. Somewhere deep inside we know our goodness, our intentions, our qualities.

Subconsciously though, this goes against all the accepted suggestions we grew comfortable with. We are then reminded otherwise (through the power of the subconscious) so we create some diversion in life to prove it true. Problem is, we don’t know we are doing it.

When it happens, (say, we didn’t get the promotion), a feeling of comfort comes about us. Not comfort like a cozy sweater but comfort as in a knowingness. It is now when we say “See, I told you” or “I knew it.”

The subconscious does not like change. It likes to stay comfortable with what it knows. If we got the promotion, it has no reference to compare that to, so as far as it is concerned, it must not be a good, or safe thing.

Utilizing hypnosis as a tool for change, provides direct access to the subconscious mind, where all the negatives are stored.

In doing this, we now have the ability to create for ourselves a positive fact based reality. One we choose. With information we want and are willing to receive.

In hypnosis we override the current program and create a new one, thus making the subconscious work for you, not against you.

Oh, and all while comfortably relaxed!

On a side note, the subconscious is not ‘bad’. It is actually there to protect us.

 

 

Life Does Not Suck. You Do.

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Everyone does things for their own reasons. Whether it’s an addiction, anxiety, depression, anger, whatever it is, we cannot assume to know why people do what they do.

It is when we do assume, we avoid our own reality. The reality that we are just like them. The quicker we are to judge, the faster we hide within and remain tortured until….

Until we can’t take it anymore and fix it once and for all. But where does one begin? How do we start to figure out where the torture began or how to get rid of it? 

And what may happen if we aren’t careful, is we begin to self destruct. We become defensive, angry, compromising or passively existent in our lives.

When this happens we view everything in the same darkness. We feed off the misery and it infects us. Then it grows. As it grows it pollinates and spreads to those around us.

Behaviours are learned. They can be unlearned.

Are you willing to do the work or would you prefer to stay in darkness? Is the idea of infecting rather than affecting people pleasing to you?

Don’t kid yourself. Not everyone thinks like you. They agree because it is safe. That’s it. Deep inside they know there is more. They are seeking more, but in the meantime they are stuck with you.

Get rid of your shit. Quite frankly, we’re all a little tired of it.

My mom always said if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. I agree, and yes, I need to remind myself of that too at times.

What I also know is when I do it, I have a problem deep within me at the moment. I am usually displeased with not completing something I set out to do.

That is my gauge to course correct.

What’s yours?

Hypnosis works. If you don’t believe me, try it. It is easy. It gets to the root of the issue and it heals it forever.

You don’t have the excuse any more that you don’t have time to do self help. Hypnosis is fast compared to reading books, doing homework, doing self analysis and consciously becoming aware of your every thought. (although the last one is good all around)

You say you can’t afford it?

Ok, tell me that again while you pay for a divorce or bail your kids out of jail or maybe pay for rehab.

I’m not trying to be harsh, but the reality is harsh. You have a choice.

What are you going to do?

My Old Forgotten Memories Made Me Realize Where My Beliefs Came From

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It’s amazing what you find in your own house that your yourself tucked away oh so long ago…Today I was going through some drawers and remote spaces I rarely visit. I am preparing for a garage sale this summer so that is my motivation.

I’m not exactly sure when the last time was I even looked in these particular places but I highly recommend it. I stumbled across some things I hadn’t seen in years and furthermore didn’t even realize I still had.   

One of the things I came across were drawings I drew in high school, and poems I wrote. I even found a short story from Jr. High!

As I took a walk down memory lane, all the feelings that went into writings and drawings all came flooding back. In that moment, I was back in those grades, feeling as if I were right there again.

Reading the poems, starting with the first line, I found I could recite them all. Some were very emotional as poems usually are, and I found tears welling up in my eyes.

Not so much in sadness but just the memory itself. To feel those feelings again. To remember a time when I thought I knew it all. Ok, well let’s face it, nothings changed there…:)

What I found most interesting are some of the topics I wrote about. The emotion I expressed and the words I used are the exact same as the emotions and words I use(d) now. However, the execution of some of my writings allowed me to revisit how I viewed the world at that time, that age.

I bring this up to point out the distinct differences of our conscious and subconscious mind. Consciously we view things, make a judgement or an interpretation about it, and the memory drops down into our subconscious mind where it stays until such a time when a similar event creates the same emotion, or interpretation.

When that event happens, the subconscious goes into it’s archived files and pulls up the file that best suits the situation to remind you just why you do or don’t want to pursue whatever it is you are pursuing.

Think about it, reading my own writings brought all the memories back not only of the person or thing I was writing about but also where I was, and the emotion I had while writing it. But, it also allowed me to restructure my thinking around those events. To see things differently. To draw new conclusions.

I was a child again in the first moments of reading the poems but after allowing myself to feel the emotions they brought out in me, I took a moment and viewed them through my adult eyes with a new understanding of how certain beliefs of mine got formed. Beliefs I have carried out for years without questioning why or where they came from.

This is why we find ourselves in ruts, in funks. Why some don’t prosper or hold themselves back. Why some have one failed relationship after another.

It is all old programming.

What we do in Hypnosis (Hypnotherapy) is the same thing. In inner child therapy, we go back to younger years, find where the issue started (it almost always begins young) and along with viewing it as it happened, we view it now, as an adult, who can understand things much better.

Most often. that’s all it takes to reshape your entire life!

How Using Your Imagination Can Harm You

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My last post was on the importance of our imaginations for sanity and safety sake. It it what will keep us moving forward in our lives.

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If we don’t have a dream, a vision of where we are going, we see only that which surrounds us which unfortunately is often bleak.

Victor Frankl wrote “A Mans Search For Meaning” after surviving war camps, having his familiy all killed and being tortured and starved to say the very least. He is the epipome of one man using the imagination to supersede his current, horrific reality.

In my last post How Using Your Imagination Will Free You, you saw how imagination kept victims of terrible crimes safe, at least for the time.

If you grew up like me with a lot of negativity, it tends to brand you. I was branded. Through the years I have worked very hard at removing the scars though some come bulging out for all to see every now and again.

I honestly did not know how negative my thoughts were until my kids made me aware. I was full of fear but pleasant, scared to death but brave and I was confident yet cried myself to sleep.

I didn’t know what was even coming out of my mouth and how it was being interpreted by my kids. I thought I was teaching them how not to be like me. I thought I was teaching them confidence. I thought, with all my heart I was being a good mom by protecting them.

Unfortunately I was wrong. In some sense I set them up for failure. My expectations of negative outcomes set the stage for copycats.

My overprotectiveness left them feeling like I didn’t trust them to make their own decisions and my inner baggage of not being good enough led me to being very accusatory thinking everyone was out to get me…including my kids.

Sounds convoluted I know, but I also understand how twisted our lives can get if we don’t take stock now. If we let our imaginations run wild with negatives.

Anything could happen and my imagination ran wild. No kidding. I compared everything that I was currently experiencing to everything in my past experience and it all lined up nicely so I concluded it must be real.

If anything went off course and I mean anything, I was immediately immersed in fear based thoughts.

“Oh my God, what if something happens to the kids?”

“What if I can’t afford my car repairs?”

“How will I cope if I can’t get enough hours at work?”

“Will I be alone the rest of my miserable life?”

Can you see how disempowering these thoughts are? But they didn’t stop there for me. Here’s how it went in my head…

“Oh my God, what if something happens to the kids?” Then my imagination went wild. It went into visions of a car crash, or a bike accident because they wouldn’t wear their helmets. And with no cell phone how will I know? How will they be able to call me for help?

Then my imagination put them in the hospital and there was blood and I was all alone to deal with all this and I was feeling helpless and so on and so on….

Not only does it sound pitiful but it is completely avoidable. But on a bit of a different note I will conclude this…

All these things did happen as a matter of fact.

One of my boys was in a car accident on a grade 5 school trip. The driver had an epileptic seizure and ran into another vehicle. All the kids were transported to the hospital with cuts and bruises.

My other boy was in a biking accident at about 13….a bunch of brave boys riding their BMX’s on planks that ran from tree branch to tree branch down in the Coulees. Full of blood and injured, he  climbed the Coulees, went to his friends house and his friends dad brought him to me. I opened my front door to my boy full of blood and hurt.

I have since learned about the Laws of Attraction and of course my specialty, the subconscious mind. My thoughts created this. Plain and simple. My thoughts were so constant, so strong, it could not have presented me anything different. Energy flows where attention goes.

If you are choosing to think negative thoughts and let your imagination get the best of you…rest assured you will get exactly what you think about. I don’t base that theory on those two examples alone. I have a lifetime of examples, I just didn’t understand.

I hope now, you do. The subconscious mind and LOA are closely related. Whatever we tell our subconscious it will find a way to make it so, especially with enough intensity. Although I did not create what happened through my subconscious, it was carried out via the LOA.

The fear based energy I emitted was powerful and it was constant, and it gave me back exactly what I focused on!

People use their imagination for horrible crimes such as the most recent bombing at the Boston Marathon.

Most violence is created first, in someones imagination. They are often triggered by something, then their imagination ‘goes wild’ and tragedy occurs.

Please, use your imagination for the good in life. Let it show you the way to your shining star. Let it paint your future with vibrant colours. Let it bring the unicorn out of the forest.

The next time you find your imagination going in the wrong direction, stop and interrupt it. Think a different thought immediately. Add some color.

For a solution that gets right to the root of this or any issue, you many want to try hypnosis.

Hypnosis is what I have found helped me the most. It allowed me to change my thinking at a subconscious level and in doing so, resulted in immediate measurable results.

And for that reason, I became a hypnotist.

How Using Your Imagination Will Free You

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How many times have you heard or even said “Oh, he/she has a great imagination ?”

Was the comment used for or against? In a positive tone or a negative tone?

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Often times it is a statement of condemnation. Like something bad is happening because someone is choosing to create something in their mind that is better than what they are currently experiencing.

I heard it all through school. “She has a wonderful imagination.” The sentence that followed was not so up-lifting. “If she would only put it to good use!”

Well, who decides but me what is good use? Maybe my imagination way back then is what led me here, right now.

One thing I can say with absolute certainty is because of my imagination, I was able to get through a whole lot of very unsatisfactory situations. I absolutely know for sure without my imagination I would have crashed and burned years ago.

Or how about the thousands of abuse victims that escape in their mind the physical abuse they experienced as a child?

I have listened to dozens of stories of many types of abuses most recently Tyler Perry talking about being sexual abused as a child. He escaped in his mind and although that doesn’t mean he isn’t scarred, he was able to utilize the best tool given to us to get through this terrible turmoil in his life.

Recently on Dr. Phil there were a few teenagers speaking on the same topic. Some were sexually abused and one was a teen prostitute. How they got through it was through the use of their imagination. The present moment sickened them so they escaped to a place in their mind where they felt safe.

OUR MIND

Our subconscious mind does not know the difference between reality and pretend therefore we have an open playing field of possibility.

If not for imagination we would have not Einsteins or Rockerfeller, Ford, Wright Brothers, Disney and so on.

In fact, let’s look at Disney. Here we have a man who against all odds built an empire which to this day has a 100% customer return rate. 100%!!!!

And what is his business based on? IMAGINATION! We all leave Disneyland with the same feeling. The feeling of being a kid again. For a moment in time, we feel like we can conquer the world just like we used to. Our imaginations are running wild!

It takes days, sometimes weeks for those feelings to leave us. Our imagination has become full of hope and possibility once again.

And we want to belittle people for having a big imagination? Why would we rob anyone of that? Imagination is free. It is colourful and kind, it is life as we choose it to be if only for a moment. It is calming and relaxing and releases stress.

Imagination is a gift to be explored, utilized and channelled.

Imagination and Hypnosis

Using our imagination for healing and clarity. This is exactly what happens in a hypnosis session.

We already know how our imagination gets us juiced up, and it does the same in hypnosis. It is a vital tool in creating the change many of us desire.

Things aren’t always as they appear. Sometimes our undesirable behaviours are carried forward from childhood, when we interpreted something bad happening that in reality wasn’t bad at all. We are left with a negative perception of the event when in fact, it was not at all as we believe. As a child our minds are not fully developed. We have no filters and everything that happens is taken as a truth. What happens…is.

During a hypnosis session, using the same imagination that creates a safe place for someone needing to escape, can also be found, a safe place for someone to recreate what is holding them back.

Does it mean turning people into imaginary cartoon characters? Sure. If that’s what works for you, otherwise it is a means to go back in your mind and literally see things differently, as an adult.

We all know change can be as simple as that. Most times all it takes is seeing or hearing something in a different frame that changes everything…

Forever!

How To Be Vulnerable Without Losing Yourself

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Being vulnerable is not a bad thing. It makes us human. It allows us to feel. Feeling is good. Becoming emotionally vulnerable to the point of becoming the sacrificial lamb is not good.

How do you know to what level of vulnerability is good? To the level you are comfortable with. That being somewhat vague for many, we need boundaries. Clearly defined boundaries. Trusting yourself to be vulnerable will make deciding boundaries easy.

They do not need to be defined to anyone but you, but without them will be like driving on a road that has no stop sign warning you of the cliff ahead.

You will undoubtedly take a nosedive into the world of unmet emotions to perhaps meet for the first time.

With all the self help books telling us not to take things personally, don’t over react, what someone else does or says is none of our business, I understand having been there, these are trite words without fully understanding them and yourself.

Most of us can’t just flip a switch consciously and say, “Right, what they just said about me is a reflection of them”. With understanding and compassion we can learn, however for most this is a struggle.

It is a struggle because of our inner beliefs. Somewhere down the road, something happened that was internalized and to this day is reacted upon. To the one doing the reacting, it is a normal behaviour.

To the onlooker they wonder why you have your knickers is a twist. “what’s the big deal” they say. Which if you hadn’t noticed gets you more pissed!

So, being vulnerable means letting someone else’s words or actions affect you in a negative way. When your thoughts are more on taking abuse rather than being disliked for instance and you take it all to heart. Or when you have been honest with your feelings and emotions and someone throws it in our face leaving us feeling hurt.

Being vulnerable in a negative way leaves us powerless. We feel weak and worthless.

I have had this with my kids. As a mother, my kids mean the world to me. Literally. Rather than stand firm with some decisions I became wishy washy so they wouldn’t ‘hate’ me. I was riddled with guilt for years.

They had learned this about me and used it. I took their dislike very personally and they knew it. It crushed me. They said things to hurt me because they knew they could.

That there is where vulnerability is not good. When you allow things to cut you like a knife. So lets turn this around.

Same situation, different boundaries. You love your kids, they dislike your decision or rules. You are ok with that because you see beyond your current self and look rather at the long term effects.

You are vulnerable in that you express to them your understanding of their anger, hurt, because you remember a time when this happened to you. You share with them your pain.

They either accept it or not. In the event they don’t and they go on the attack, you need boundaries. You need a clear understanding of your decision and must not allow the negative feedback hurt you, and with a clear understanding, you won’t.

When you allow for the hurt, they know it, and you leave yourself wide open.

This can also apply to a spouse, a boss, a friend.

When you are honest with your feelings you risk hurt but only if you allow hurt in.

Being vulnerable is a good thing all around because the alternative is to be a robot. Or a psychopath…

Knowing how to be open and have clearly defined boundaries is admirable to anyone.

What does that have to do with me doing Hypnosis? In a very short time, with my trained assistance, we can get to that place that has all your answers.